Listen.

Listen to logic.
Listen to hope.
Listen to wisdom.
Listen to God.
Listen to your true wishes.

I'm serious, listen. And yes, listen when others are counseling you. Even if you don't agree, do listen. Giving the courtesy of listening to them doesn't mean you must take the path they say you should.

I'm a believer in the fact that, though money and having it is great, if one is happy and poor, they're better off than someone else who is rich and miserable. You could be earning a million dollars a year by manually making grey cement bricks every day for 15 hours. It's something you detest, but you have a lot of money.
Or you could be doing something like...I don't know, painting. Maybe that is truly what makes you feel alive. And you get a decent little sum for work done, but nowhere near a fortune. And yet, living with what you need, making do, and doing what you love, you are happy. I truly believe there are desires and talents that God has put in us, for specific purposes. Providing for a family or even just taking care of yourself is definitely important, and good stewardship. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. But we shouldn't make securing the highest paying job our main goal.
I think that if we were truly seeking Him and truly doing what we found we loved, we would truly be right where we were supposed to be, regardless of how much money we made in being there. We would be most effective, we would be most happy, and we would be fulfilling the things God put into us from the start, I think.

**shrugs** Just my two cents.

Try New Things!

In the spirit of trying more and doing more, I present to you a video my sister's boyfriend made, just to try. Granted, he wants to do videos for a living, so he's kind of into the whole video thing. But still. He's not even out of high school. See what one can do when one tries?

Clarity

In regards to my last post, which wasn't very thought out.

Sometimes, no matter if you're the six year old who wants to play in the street, the 18-year-old who wants to strike out solo and head far away, the 40-year-old who wants to give up...sometimes, we must all be thankful for no. Whether no comes from a wiser parent, a knowledgeable friend, a loving spouse, or the God who understands everything, no can be good.

No is not always a roadblock. No is not always a setback. Sometimes no simply sheds light on the wrong path. No isn't a direction, but it is an answer. 

And that's what I asked for. An answer. 

I am truly thankful for no, because even though it wasn't what I wanted, it still gave me light. It still was an answer.

Especially when one is trying to compose the idea of what they'll set out in life to do, one really wants answers. And you must be ready for real answers, not just the ones you want or think you want. 

In Which Creativity is Willed

It's late (or rather, early) and I'm still up.
I'm so tired.
But I want.
I want for more.
I sometimes think "oh, I'll write...what grace and untangling power seems to flow when I just write."
But then I think, "...what will I write?"
And I recall nights of prayer and seeking, the phone flashlight turned on, the ipod playing poetic songs through my worried mind, and the pen flying and gliding, resting and refreshing to my emotions as it swirled across the lined pages. Here, a lyric. There, a simple doodle. There, my own thought. Here, a more-attempted drawing or an idea of a sketch.
What beautiful times those were. Personal and lovely.

My mind returns to Phoenix on the wings of the melody that will not go away, no matter if I can't figure it out. Dreams that I still remember and grudges I'm not sure I've let go of but I'm certain were never called for. Hallelujah....hallelujah. They all ran to the front, the sea of potential rose and crested, flowing to the stage to proclaim, to set forth, to declare that they were their Lord's, and they would gladly go.
I stood back and let the grateful tears begin to fall. I was disappointed, but I was grateful. I began to understand and yet I didn't. I couldn't go, and I wasn't meant to yet. Was I ever?
I don't know.
But still, it rises up as hallelujah.
And still, Phoenix is one of my most cherished memories.
And still, it is beautiful.

A belated Thanksgiving day post? I am thankful for no.

Hurricane Fare

Below is the first meal my family ate after the power was knocked out by Sandy. I'm not meaning to brag or anything, either. This is another perk of living at home. My mom was utterly prepared in (amongst many more)  the way of having food, so much so that our first meal in the dark and the cold was hot, because she'd made and kept it in the crock pot. I am convinced that if we had been powerless for a lot longer than three hours, or even longer than three days, we would have done rather lovely, actually. Both my parents were thoroughly prepared for the storm. Through just that one thing, a crock pot meal, my mother's preparedness not only helped me  immediately, but I was given help for later. I've seen ways to prepare for terrible things carried out faithfully in front of me. I know how. If you're living at home, it's a good time to observe, ask, and store away things for later.

Firsts

1. I really did care about this election. Also, I voted in it.

2. We were watching the results of said election, and suddenly, Little G just took a few steps and toppled over. He repeated the feat for his father, then held back, suddenly bashful at all the outbursts of applause.

3. It's snowing right now. And it is beautiful.

4. I have an interest in going to the March for Life this year.

5. I can't think of a way to tie this in to the whole "living at home, two jobs, not in college" thing. Oh wait!

Ways this totally ties in:

1. I would've had to vote absentee in my first election if I was at college, probably.

2. I would NOT have witnessed my nephew's first steps.

3. I'm safe and warm in my parents' house and don't have to worry if I can pay MY heat bill. :/

4. I'm growing up. I'm starting to learn and decide what I truly believe in. And I am starting to try to quit my passivity.

5. I was being lazy 'cause I had a headache....but...that doesn't have to do with anything.

Deception

I raced down the driveway, full speed in my Goodwill-but-new green and blue plaid rain boots and my corduroy fall jacket, heading straight for the black mailbox at the end of our crescent driveway.

Out of shape and out of breath, I reached the mailbox in record time and pushed a stray strand of fading red hair behind my ear and flipped open the box.

Empty.

Without a second's pause, I raced right back up the driveway and swung into my living room, shouting quickly, "Nope!", before discarding my boots and placing myself back at my computer, still in the warm coat. After all, we still haven't turned the heat on.

It occurred to me that passersby might assume I was looking for a letter of acceptance.
It also occurred to me that I probably wouldn't mind the assumption.
No, bad Riah.

Perks of Living at Home, Part Three

I started texting back and forth with my best-friend-since-I-was-six who now lives in NC. I wanted to make sure she was okay, and tell her of our many adventures...that we were prepared for. I kept trying to send photos of the weather, but I finally resorted to video.

Ignore my goofy face.

Perks of Living at Home, Part Two

My mother is a genius cook. My brother "Zed" calls her a culinary hacker, and indeed she is. She prepared several meals beforehand that could be either eaten cold or heated using a sternos set-up. She filled any and every bucket, bottle, jar or gallon trash can in the house and yard with water. Water for drinking, water for dishes, water for toilets, etc. We brought out the flashlights and brought up the batteries. We got an emergency radio/light/thing. We put boiling water in a thermos to stay warm for hot cocoa and tea. We brought out the camping percolator for coffee. We baked zucchini bread (which, by the way, finished baking in a hot oven about 40 minutes after the power had gone out), we made granola, we bought pop tarts! My dad strung a blue tarp from the roof to the ground taut, to try to direct shedding water away from our basement and foundation to prevent flooding downstairs. We brought out the giant cooler to store perishable but often used refrigerated items like 2% milk, salad, and  little balls of mozzarella cheese. Everyone started carrying their flashlights around, just in case (at least, I did). Not much besides prep and some rain was going on for a while...

Just looks like the faithful blue Camry on any other rainy day, due to my phone failing to capture the crazy storm. CrazyISH.

Perks of Living at Home, Part One

Hurricane Sandy swept through New Hampshire yesterday (and some of today), downing branches, bending road signs, closing streets, and stealing electricity. Thankfully, we have very little damage compared to everywhere else, and my prayers are going out for all my neighboring states. The pictures on the news are rather sobering. Here, to my family, the hurricane was somewhat of an adventure. We were amply prepared for loss of power (in fact, we sometimes seem to welcome it; we all DO love camping), both physically and mentally. All we got was three hours yesterday and a long blink today. After seeing the news from NY, NJ, NC, CT, and MA, though, I was grateful for our short stint. Here's a shot I tried to get after our little hurricane walk...

Awkward 12-year-old Tries to be Wise

I am often confronted with my younger friends' problems.
That's okay, to an extent, because they're like my little sisters, sort of.
But I'll talk to them over text, and I'll send back a heartfelt, attempt-at-counseling and hopefully encouraging text, full of words and thoughts and prayers and even hugs, and then, after a few minutes, I'll receive back one word: yeah. Or worse, "haha yeah". Then I just get ticked at the person I'm supposed to be bearing up. Do any other adult-o-lesecents feel that their help is wanted, yet seemingly scorned?

Kindred Spirit

I was at the second job tonight, and it was sloow. I mean, reeeally slow.
So I got to chat with my coworker, who already seemed cool.
And then she asked me if I was in college, and I said no, and she said that she wasn't either.
Wait, what?
Nope.
Same graduating year, and she's not in college for very similar reasons as me (cough, cough, money and decision).

So I just found another way that I am being immensely blessed in my waiting time. God's so good to me.

Garlic, Cocoa, and Pizza.

Characters:

Joy, my (youngest) sister.

Yours truly. (Photo credit to Joy)

And the last, but certainly not least, character in this little episode: my dad's faithful blue Camry. Notice the battery charger giving moral support to Dad's faithful blue Camry.

Once upon a time, Joy and I planned to visit my brother Zed, his wife K, and their son Little G. We were to meet up with them and my youngest brother AJ at their home way up North. 

Alas.

We dashed inside our own home to let the dog out, and for ten shining minutes, the blue Camry gave light to all those within five feet of the old vehicle. Upon our swift return, the battery was found dead. We called Dad, got the charger hooked up, no problem.

Then we proceeded to have our own little party while waiting on the blue Camry. 

Therefore, photos of awesomeness ensued. 

Living at home and using my dad's wonderful, blue, older-than-me car has quite a lot of advantages.

The In Between

I've done a bad job.

I've kind of made this blog about "being okay" with not going to college right now. But I'm already okay with that! I've gotten past that point personally, and I'm more than willing to write about that, hear your thoughts, and give you encouragement on that.

But this blog isn't just about being okay without college right now.

This blog is about what you're doing in the in between time...what I'm doing.

I'm taking photos, and I'm getting pretty excited about my limited skills gettin' better!

I took this when I first started using my brother's fanceh shmanceh camera, of my best friend.

Get out and just try something new. You could end up loving it, as cliche as that sounds, it's absolutely true. 

Another Autumn Note

This is the tree that marks the change from summer to fall for me. The seasons change and I see it as I'm running out the door to go elsewhere. I think back on all the years we've lived here, what my dreams aspired to as I saw that tree growing up, and how much faster life has come than I thought.

And how much lovelier each year has been from the one before.

Though this tree popping into color doesn't signify that I'm returning to school nor heading to college, it reminds me that I have grown. It reminds me that the days are beautiful.
Is there something that often causes you to wax nostalgic and contented?

Lists.

I need...

-to stop making it sound like I've got buckets of time.

-a car.

-to wait.

I want...

-a car.

-an answer.

I have...

-...more time than you.

-a license

-a yearning

I am...

-waiting

-asking

-working (for a car)

I need to stop being so vague.

I want to write well.

I have amazing opportunities.

I am blessed.

Got time? Take a Hike.

This conundrum was on my mind recently, actually.

My family has taken many a lovely, leafy hike, often in the midst of the beautiful fall colors. Now that I have my own driver's license and of course, some extra time to pursue such adventures, I realized I might be mistakenly taken for an out of town "leaf peeper". This thought had never before occurred to me, but apparently I want people to know that this is "my" state.

Though I'm not one of those who profess to have been here for generations, I have grown up here.
I get to complain about the sticky summers, I get to shovel the mountains of snow, and I get to enjoy these leaves. I guess I feel that that gives me some sort of ownership over the changing trees?

Then again, I'm a sucker for meeting people from far-off lands (such as any state that is not mine), and I certainly get that chance when I go hiking with the leaf peepers.

Maybe they're not so bad after all.

A Five Minute Hand Cramp Times Two

Just cold, grey expectancy.

After Christmas, so no colors and songs to brighten the cold. After New Year's, so no promises brashly made to color the future with hope when everything else seems so grey.
But we had "Little G". He's truly a "bundle of joy".

The above is a snippet of a writing exercise I did. I began writing about my nephew's birth as part of a list of things I would've missed had I been at college or elsewhere.

I got a little stuck on the nephew part. He's my favorite!

Have a Cuppa, But Not at Dunkin's.

I've been spoiled and I don't think I can ever go back.

One of the ways I occupy my quarter-life time is to work. I've been at a locally-owned gourmet coffee shop for two years now.

It's delicious. All of it! Working at a coffee shop gives me time to think about all this coffee bean business, though. Does America "run on Dunkin's" because the coffee is GOOD, or because it's CONVENIENT? I mean, really. It's not that good. 

Leaving on a Jet Plane!

"Adventure is out there!" -Ellie from Pixar's Up!

Doesn't it seem that everyone's leaving? They're all off to find the adventure that is "out there". Except you, of course!

Your father's on a business trip to wonderful and well-missed Arizona, and you must stay home.

Your younger friend is finally getting out and going to college, and you are home.

Your older friends are going back for their junior year, and you are home.

Your friends that are actually the same age are heading back for more independence, more classes, and more adventure, and you are home.

It's easy to think that you're stuck. It's easy to think that everyone else must be on their way, off to find adventure, and you are sitting alone, waiting for adventure to find you. You aren't studying for high school finals or college testing. You've got a part-time job and you're helping out at home, or just hanging around. Don't you feel lazy? Don't you feel like a loser? What are you DOING? People will ask me, "So, aren't you in college, or....?" The unasked question can unintentionally leave you feeling as if you're in the slow-lane, or even in the wrong.

My best friend isn't in college and she isn't in high school. We were the best pair, the two "old twenty-somethings" who were waiting, finding new things to do in the in-between. 

And now she is leaving, too. 

Granted, she's not going to college, but she's off to a new life and a new adventure with her family, and here I am, still waiting. Am I just being aimless and stupid?

Absolutely not.

I'll go more into my reasons later, but I am justified to remain here, no matter how frustrated or guilty I may feel for it sometimes. I'm where I need to be. College is not a must-have, and if I am going to go to college, I'd rather not be up to my ears in debt and constantly switching my major. But what am I here to tell you? That I'm not in college and I don't care? Nothing you haven't heard before, I'm sure.

But no, I'm here to tell you that this in-between time that you feel stuck in?

It can be AWESOME.

You can work two jobs if you want, you can visit with friends more than anyone, you can take free classes simply to try your hand at something new, you can house-sit when no one else is available, you can save your money for what you really want to do, and all-in-all you can have a pretty fantastically jam-packed schedule even when you aren't in school. 

Sometimes I think I have less time than my college friends, but I'm enjoying everything that I'm doing.

So go on, go out! You might not be showing that dejection on the outside, but let it go inside, too. Just keep an eager and curious spirit. Go and find good things to fill your time, because this place is wonderful.

This place is full of adventure. Go and discover it, where you are right now.