As much as I might say I dislike working at night, not seeing people at "normal person" times, as much as I get restless and want to move on to other things...I do enjoy this.

The night air with a hint of autumn chill, the breeze that brings with it the scent of gasoline, fallen leaves, fresh cut grass, and jet fuel. The moonlight and the stars, oh, the stars. The tower, a beacon of blue even in the most torrential downpour. Walking to get my coffee or my tea, saying hello to all the different airport natives, the men and women so close to adventure and yet so deceptively far, just like me.

But, this place IS full of adventure. You just have to step outside, take a little breath, slow down, and see it.

Standing

I am still here.

A push for independence turned learning curve, a car accident that totaled my parents' car, personal melt-downs, family turmoil, lots of growing pains, a lot of prayer, and yesterday's election...I am still here.

Hullo again, world.

Moving Forward

Honesty time!
A few weeks ago, I believe sometime in late January, I JUST finished my last math credit for high school. Not cool that I was still doing it then, but VERY cool that I now have it done. I wasn't that late because it was hard, either; I was late simply because I procrastinated.

But now that load is at last off my shoulders.
And I feel like now I CAN move forward. I still don't know entirely what I want to do, but everything seems so much more attainable, so much more exciting, and a lot less like catch-up work. Which is a wonderful thing.

The youth at my church seem to be pulling together.
Or rather, I'm finally jumping on board and trying to be a part of things I formerly let fall away. I don't quite know why. But I kept a sort of distance from the young people in my church. Except for my best friend. I wonder if I kind of thought they'd all eventually leave our church, and only my best friend would stay anyway? Anyway, I like them. They're a very cool bunch of people. Cool things are happening. And big stuff is coming. Not from us. From God. Something's brewing.

And I am so excited.

Honestly

I spoke to my former coach the other day, and realized that I wanted to have a plan, something to tell her I was pursuing, because I wanted her to be happy with me. I told her I was moving towards photojournalism and columns, or some such combination like that. As I was saying it, I felt like a liar, a little. I AM interested in that, but I spoke of it as if I knew for sure. I think I shall indeed move in that direction, if not just to move in some direction, but I don't know if that's what I want to do for certain. I know you don't have to be certain, either. I just wish I was a little more honest. Besides, she wouldn't have been upset at me or anything. I put that notion of mine onto her.

Which brings me to my point of the day: being honest about where you are, what interests you, what you're doing, what you want to do is a very good thing. Be honest with yourself and with others. There will be people who, basically, whether they mean to or not, shoot you or your ideas down. They probably have very good intentions, wanting you to make more money or do something that seems much more secure, but don't take it personally. Focus on God and what He has put into you and pushes you toward. Because that's where you're supposed to be. Hey, maybe it'll end up being something that people expect more than what you thought. But if you're where God wants you to be, you're where you fit in your side of the puzzle, and that's where you will be happy, no matter if it's "secure", pays well, or is a commonplace job title or not.

Dusting

My best friend, M, was visiting this past week and she got to stay with us for a good long five days. I took both jobs off, we went out with so many different people to catch up, to hang out, to eat good food and have good times.

And I realized, I rarely do this when she's not here. I certainly go out, but not usually to hang out, to be poured into, to laugh and love with the people who love me right back. I'm usually going out with my family (which is a BLAST), going out to work, or going out with people that I love, but the friendship is more like a mentor or counselor than equals who can both pour out and be poured into by one another.

It was like dusting off my ability to socialize and have fun, free from the pressure to always have the words. It was really lovely. And I should do things like that more regularly. Pouring into others is great, definitely something we should all do when we can. But if I'm not being poured into by people as well as my King, then what do I have to give? I'm a lot happier when I'm maintaining these healthy friendships, truth be told.

And if I'm sticking myself into my own world, always working or counseling, then what am I doing to continue moving forward? So guys, pursue new things, yes. Work your butts off if you have to. But really. Make time for people. For friends. For fun. Because these things are just as essential as a clear direction, if not more so.

Listen.

Listen to logic.
Listen to hope.
Listen to wisdom.
Listen to God.
Listen to your true wishes.

I'm serious, listen. And yes, listen when others are counseling you. Even if you don't agree, do listen. Giving the courtesy of listening to them doesn't mean you must take the path they say you should.

I'm a believer in the fact that, though money and having it is great, if one is happy and poor, they're better off than someone else who is rich and miserable. You could be earning a million dollars a year by manually making grey cement bricks every day for 15 hours. It's something you detest, but you have a lot of money.
Or you could be doing something like...I don't know, painting. Maybe that is truly what makes you feel alive. And you get a decent little sum for work done, but nowhere near a fortune. And yet, living with what you need, making do, and doing what you love, you are happy. I truly believe there are desires and talents that God has put in us, for specific purposes. Providing for a family or even just taking care of yourself is definitely important, and good stewardship. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. But we shouldn't make securing the highest paying job our main goal.
I think that if we were truly seeking Him and truly doing what we found we loved, we would truly be right where we were supposed to be, regardless of how much money we made in being there. We would be most effective, we would be most happy, and we would be fulfilling the things God put into us from the start, I think.

**shrugs** Just my two cents.

Try New Things!

In the spirit of trying more and doing more, I present to you a video my sister's boyfriend made, just to try. Granted, he wants to do videos for a living, so he's kind of into the whole video thing. But still. He's not even out of high school. See what one can do when one tries?